


all the pain you feel you own

by superdizzy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Trans Male Character, all i can write is men kissing each other i think it's a mental illness, t4t, trans!jack harkness, trans!tenth doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24372490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superdizzy/pseuds/superdizzy
Summary: “What do you say we shower together? This way you won’t have to think about it.”-In which Jack's dysphoria gets particularly bad and the Doctor does his best to help
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness, The Doctor/Jack Harkness
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	all the pain you feel you own

**Author's Note:**

> i promise it's not THAT angsty, it's just typical trans angst. the title is from sold my soul by the used

Jack ran his hand through his hair. It was getting _way_ too greasy from all the sweat and various alien substances, but the thought of going through what was necessary to clean it made him sick.

The Doctor seemed to be having the same thought, as he was staring at him with his chin resting on his palm and his eyebrows knitted together.  
“You know, I don’t wanna be rude, but-”

“Yes, I know,” Jack groaned.  
“Trust me, I don’t like being this greasy either.”

“Why don’t you take a shower, then?”

Jack retreated in the long coat he was still wearing despite the warm temperature of the TARDIS interior. A few pearls of sweat appeared on his forehead and rolled down to his eyebrows, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Is it because of…”

“Maybe.”

The Doctor sighed. “You know, anything a close-minded civilization like that says doesn’t have any bearing on who we actually are.”

“I know.” Jack still kept a firm grip on his coat lapels.

“And you know that for a human you’re very handsome.”

Jack laughed, despite himself. “Handsome? What are you, my grandma?”

“Well, I do have a granddaughter.” The Doctor smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair, only slightly regretting it a moment later.  
“What do you say we shower together? This way you won’t have to think about it.”

Jack seemed skeptical, but he agreed.

Once they were in the bathroom, the Doctor helped Jack strip down, distracting him with a quick kiss every time he saw that familiar look on his face. Disgust, mostly, but also a kind of hopeless sadness that had no real reason to exist, except that that was how he was born, and that was how it was always going to be.

“You’re so handsome,” the Doctor whispered as he slipped Jack’s shirt off his shoulders, leaving him in his pants and undershirt. “Sorry if I’m too old-fashioned for you, but you really need to hear it. Especially from someone who knows you.”

Jack rolled his eyes and focused on unbuttoning the Doctor’s shirt. “You’re wearing _nothing_ underneath? That’s disgusting. How _dare_ you making me shower while your shirt is glued to your body by your gross alien sweat,” he laughed.

“I only put it on for about an hour!” the Doctor rebutted. ”I intended on showering anyway, you big… rude…” he furrowed his brows trying to find a word that would work for this sentence. “...ape.”

Jack shook his head, still smiling, and began unbuckling the Doctor’s belt. “Haven’t done _this_ in a while.”

“It’s okay.” The Doctor pressed another kiss to Jack’s lips, trying his best to reassure him. 

“I’ll get back to it, don’t worry, Doc. I have a reputation.” He looked at him with a beaming smile, and the Doctor really hoped that he was joking.

By the time Jack had taken off his underwear, which took him an uncharacteristically long time, the Doctor had already begun messing with the knobs, trying to figure out a temperature that would fit both of their bodies.

“Let me help,” Jack offered, joining him inside the shower box, which was slightly bigger for the occasion.

Settled the temperature, the Doctor tried to pass Jack a black and blue bottle of shampoo.

“I see what you’re doing.”

“Oh.” The Doctor lowered his arm. Was he being overzealous? Was he making Jack uncomfortable by treating him like he needed constant validation?

He felt the bottle gently being taken out of his grasp. “Thank you.”

A kiss was pressed to his temple, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re welcome.”

His hands joined Jack’s in rubbing the dirty hair with shampoo, reaching behind his ears and down his neck, making sure no spot was missed.

“Good job,” the Doctor smiled encouragingly once they were done.

“Now comes the hard part,” Jack sighed.

He had told the Doctor why he had been acting this way earlier. Visiting places that mostly held that _kind_ of beliefs was starting to take a toll on him, from hearing jokes thrown around, to conversations, to hearing of laws and crimes and what people thought of people like him.

At least the Doctor had some chances of changing his situation. His next body could’ve fit who he was, and nobody would tell him that he was wrong. He would still hear what people would say, but it wouldn’t be about him.  
He tried not to think about it too much.

Although Jack was now the textbook definition of a 21st century man, at least from the chest up, the Doctor knew he didn’t cope well with being reminded of what he had looked like and how some parts of him still were. He would become uncomfortable with himself, he would stop with the jokes and the flirting, waiting for everything to go back to normal.

The Doctor poured liquid soap in his palms and rubbed it on Jack’s shoulders, producing bright blue foam. “Want me to take care of it?”

Jack nodded. “Please.”

The Doctor made sure to clean every inch of his captain, helping himself with a rough sponge. There wasn’t a fragrance on the label of the bottle, but he had made sure to pick the one that smelled the least fruity while still being pleasant enough. If he had had to describe it, he would’ve said it smelled like a mountain creek, just without the typical notes of mud.

He didn’t go near the most sensitive area of Jack’s body, deciding it would be best to avoid any accidents, and left it to the captain to wash himself there, while he focused on getting his own body clean and proper.

They kissed once they were done, celebrating their victory.

“I’m so proud of you,” the Doctor murmured against Jack’s lips.

“Oh, hush.”

They sat together in the control room, Jack’s head resting on the Doctor’s shoulder as the Time Lord played with his hair.

“That was nice of you,” Jack said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Well, it’s not like it was a chore for me.” The Doctor kissed the top of Jack’s head.  
“I love getting to look at you.”

“Oh, yeah?”

The Doctor nodded, his chin rubbing on Jack’s hair.

“What do you say we try and see if I feel better tomorrow? You know, to...”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Great.”

They kissed again before Jack pushed the Doctor on his back and climbed on top of him, wrapping his arms around him. The rest of the day was looking rather good.


End file.
